Perspective

Oh Just got home from a fifteen hour day. Those are always fun. However, I felt obligated to write. To whom? Good question? Who am I asking these questions to? Another good question? Anyway, something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is how different people view things. It seems crazy how you can have two normal people experience (view, see, taste, touch etc) the exact same thing, yet come away with two totally different reactions. You go through life with your own views, values, expectations, experiences, and desires. Everything you do is colored by this. The stimuli you experience are viewed through your paradigm, and you react to things based off of that. Obviously, people are not static and change throughout their lives. But I think people tend to get used to viewing things their way and assume that their view is "normal". It's easy to assume that everyone is seeing things the same (This is probably the reason why people tend to associate with others that have similar backgrounds, goals, and experiences). But if you take a step back it can be surprising. The fact that people can view the same situations in such opposite ways is really crazy. It can be exciting. But, it can also be very frustrating, and annoying. However, one thing is certain. It is never dull.

Avoidance

I've finished a whole week of blogging and have managed to avoid the one subject that has been having the most impact on me lately. The break up with my ex (I'll call her box (shout out to MN)). I'll admit I've been depressed about it. Ok EXTREMELY depressed about it. Irrationally depressed. But I guess since depression is emotionally based, it's irrational by definition.

I've only really cared about one girl in my life. That was my girlfriend from high school. However, I was selfish and immature and treated her poorly. Since her I've dated many girls. I've really liked some, and not really liked others. But I never felt the same way I did about her. I associated this with the fact that she was my first serious girlfriend so the feeling would always be a little different. However, after being together with box for a little while I realized what that feeling was. It was the feeling of being in Love. It feels a little dumb to say that but it's true. I dated Box for less than six months but I was in love with her (I hope she never reads this). We broke up because we are at two different points in our life. I was a jerk to girls and not looking for a relationship for most of my life. I've finally come to the point where I'm ready for a relationship and am capable of treating someone the way they deserve to be treated. The problem is she is at the complete opposite side of the spectrum. She had always been ready for a relationship and always treated the guys she dated well. However, she just got out of a very serious relationship, and was not ready to deal with the responsibilities of being in another one. She is at a point in her life where being single, partying and being free of responsibilities is what she wants. The whole situation is very ironic, but maybe it's my karma coming back to me. However, I thought my girlfriend from high school getting married when I wasn't over her yet was my pay back for treating girls poorly. I guess not though. Hopefully, this tilts the scales into my favor.

But enough about that. The question I really wanted to talk about was "How long does it take to get over someone". It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Of course it all depends on the person, how serious you were, how long you dated etc. etc. I dated my girlfriend from high school on and off for four years. It took me four years to get over her. So I always kind of used that as a guidepost. That seems like a very long time on average though. I suppose that would be the upper bound of getting over someone. I think that is because once you've been broken up with someone longer than you were together it's hard to not convince yourself to move on. The stripper in Vegas I was talking to about this (Yes, it's both funny and sad. I was wasted in Vegas for a bachelor's party and at a strip club. But, instead of doing whatever guys do in strip clubs, I decided to talk about my ex-girlfriend to a stripper for a good thirty minutes. For anyone who has ever seen Swingers it was very similar to that. In fact, that scene dawned on me while talking about it to her (She had never seen the movie though)) said that's it's half the time you were in the relationship (at least that's how long it took her to get over her ex-husband). So if you dated someone a year, it would usually take about six months to get over them. I wonder if anyone has done any studies on this? It would be nice if there was some sort of formula. Let's see we dated x months, said I love you y times, went out of town together on z occasions. Ok carry the one, divide by the square root of the times we talked about breaking up... November 3rd. Perfect. "Oh you’re having a party for Halloween? Sorry I can't make it, but I will be free and ready to party on November 4th!

Vegas Baby

I spent Saturday in Las Vegas for a bachelor party, and boy do I feel great now. I've spent the last ten hours becoming better acquainted with my couch. Every time I come home from Las Vegas I feel like I've managed to take about five years off my life. Vegas is a crazy place. I think the motto should be "Las Vegas, leave your morals on the plane". I never really understood how normal average everyday people go somewhere for the weekend and just turn into new people. People go to Vegas and do things they would never do in their normal life. I suppose it's that people are holding back in their normal every day lives. These desires are always there but they do not act on them. Once they go somewhere it's considered acceptable (and no one will know about it) they act on these desires. Vegas is a place where consequences are greatly diminished. I always have reservations about people who consider Vegas their favorite place. Don't get me wrong, I love Vegas. I've never gone there and not had a good time. It's just that if doing the things that people do in Vegas are your "favorite" activities, I question your values.

Quick 7

Since I've started "blogging" I've noticed a few things about myself. Some I already knew, but were just brought to the surface. while others were a little more surprising.

1) I'm overly verbose. No one is going to confuse me with being concise. (it's killing me not to elaborate)
2) I overanalyze everything
3) I'm an extremist. (Not in a militia/cultish way. But, in an all or nothing type way).
4) I tend to settle.
5) I constantly, forget, where to, put commas.
6) I really have a lot of thoughts going on in my head (Probably to many for my own good).
7) I hate being sick, but seem to always be (Maybe I'm turning into a hypochondriac).

Intro to psych

I can't say I remember a whole lot from college (I went to college?). Yet, there are a few instances from inside the classroom that I do remember. One instance that sticks with me comes from an intro to Psychology class I took my sophomore year.

The professor put up a list of words covered by a sheet of paper on the overhead projector. He slowly started to scroll down the list. The list started something like:

Kind
Friendly
Giving
Loving
Outgoing
Honest

Well you get the picture. It went on like that for a little while and then he stopped for a minute. He then started listing more words. However, they were slightly different. There started to appear words like cheap, conniving, secretive (still listed like above, but I will save some space and write them this way) and the like. After he gave us the list he asked us what type of person we thought they were. It's been a while so I can't remember exactly what happened next. But if memory serves, I believe there were specific questions that we had to write down answers for. Regardless, the point is everyone concluded that the person described was a good person.

After a few minutes the professor put up another list of words. This time it began with such words as stingy, deceptive, selfish and so on. This list also changed after a while and words such as smart, gentle, lavish and the like appeared. After viewing this list everyone came to the conclusion that the person described was a bad person. Then a funny thing happened. The professor showed us both lists and they were identical. The words had just been arranged in a different order. As you can imagine the whole class was shocked.

The above events show you how much of an impact first impressions have upon people. But to me it illustrates a more important idea. When you believe something to be true, you will convince yourself it is. What happened in the class was obvious. Everyone received an initial impression and vision of who they thought this person was. Then after the words started changing people began rationalizing to themselves so that there wouldn't be this inner conflict. How could this person be both honest and dishonest, or loving and hateful? If you had the belief they were honest to begin with you would just assume that they must be acting dishonest in order to protect someone's feeling (or something along those lines). If they are loving how are they hateful? Well. Maybe they are loving in general but hateful when people hurt the ones they care about. The opposite occurred with the second list. Maybe they are dishonest most of the time, but honest when they think it serves their purpose. Of course everyone rationalizes things in a different way. But the point is that everyone came up with the same conclusion. People have difficulty changing their initial viewpoints on things even if they don't realize it. Everyone constantly rationalizes things to fit their belief structures. They use whatever evidence is presented to them that fits their beliefs, while discarding the information that doesn't fit.

Something along these lines that I've been thinking of lately is... (I've become a big fan of the ellipses since starting this blog) when does the evidence you have been receiving finally convince you that you were wrong in your original conclusions? If you think a person is good. Yet they do A, B, C, D, and E to show otherwise. Does this change your view? Or do they have to do F, G, H, I, J, and K before you realize it. I suppose some people will continually rationalize it to themselves even if you go through the alphabet and back and never accept what the evidence bears. Of course, people’s reactions depend on many variables. How strongly, and for how long they held the opinion. How open they are to new ideas, and what evidence/actions the above letters represent.

Proud to be from Ohio

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6080044/

Cell phones

I finally got a new cell phone. Which could be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. I can no longer use the excuse "my phone must have died" when I decide I'm tired of talking or don't want to answer. But since my old phone was such a piece of crap it usually wasn't even an excuse, it was the truth. A little about my last phone... It had the wonderful feature of not working in my house. Ok that's not entirely true. It worked within the first two feet of my front door about 70% of the time. I would have to set it on the right side of the computer desk for it to get reception. The problem was whenever my roommate used the computer he would have to move it to the left side of the desk, which would take it out of range. Mind you this desk was two and a half feet wide. I'm not sure exactly how the satellite signal managed to penetrate earth’s atmosphere, then the walls of my house, but couldn't manage to make it to the other side of my desk. So working for twelve hours a day and not having my phone work inside the house basically left the car ride home to call people. Since I only lived seven miles from work at the time it didn't allow a lot of talking time. Well that phone is somewhere in Lake Tahoe now. Not that I was sorry to see it go. In fact it was somewhat of a relief. The weekend I tossed out that phone was the same weekend my ex-girlfriend and I broke up. Therefore, I was saved the grief of neurotically checking it every 10 minutes to see if she had called (the phone had the added feature of going straight to voicemail sometimes for now apparent reason). After about a week of not being able to contact anyone I know, or have them contact me I figured it was probably time to come back into the 21st century and get a phone. At this time I was in the process of moving out of my place and was thinking of switching service providers. Therefore, I didn't want to get a new phone until I decided if I was switching providers. Well lucky for me during the move I found an old phone I had a few years back. So I hooked that bad boy up. It was nice. Doubling the size of an item you carry with you constantly is a wonderful feeling. I don't want you to get the idea that it was outrageously large. No one confused me for Maxwell Smart on his shoe phone. However, it was just large enough to be really big, but not large enough to be cool and look like I was carrying a giant old-school box phone. This phone had some stellar characteristics of it's own though. It actually worked in the house amazingly enough. But it would just turn itself off now and again. It was a clamshell design and half the time you closed it, it would decide it needed a break and turn itself off. Let me tell you this is a great feature when you’re expecting a call. But enough about these two crap boxes. I finally upgraded and bought the stellar Samsung I-500. This phone was smaller than the last cell I was using, but has a fully functional palm pilot in it. This way everyone will be able to tell that I'm a nerd at all times. Not just when I'm writing blogs:0 I can't say that I've figured out how to use any of the features yet. In fact, I couldn't even figure out how to check my missed calls so I could call somebody back. But I'm sure it's going to be awesome. I may even read the directions on it. I know, I know, it's the last thing I would normally due but I figure since I spent this much money on a phone I might as well figure out how to call people on it.

Speaking of cell phones, does anybody remember when they were car phones? I'm talking pre- big box cellular phone. I remember growing up and my dad had a car phone that actually had a cord on it. It's amazing to think how fast technology progresses. The phone I just bought has twice the power of the palm pilot I had just a few years ago. It's also half the size and has a fully functional cell phone in it. I can only imagine what types of technological innovations there will be fifty years down the road. Well I'm getting tired so I won't go on. But one question before I sign off. With the unbelievable advances in technology going on all around us, where the f$*# are the flying cars at?!? Haven’t' they been promising flying cars since the 1950's. But yet I waited in bumper-to-bumper traffic again this morning. Come on people, flying cars!

Phewwww

Maybe the title of this should have been "test". But then I thought someone might have thought it meant "test" like not a real entry. But I digress. Well the test in question is an STD test (Is that what it's called?). The whole she-bang. Sorry I meant shabang. Anything they can test for I asked them to test for. Not that I had any reasons to worry. Ok maybe a few, but that was a long time ago under an assumed name. Well the good news is everything came back negative. The weird thing was I wasn't even worried in the least. For a test that could foreseeable ruin your life (if you had HIV), it would seem that it would be something of a concern. Especially, since this was the first time I have ever had any test like this, and therefore had to think back to every girl I had ever been with in my life.

More importantly (maybe not more importantly but it seemed like a good segue anyway) This whole issue made me think about some other issues regarding these types of tests. When I was driving home thinking of what to write about the test popped into my mind. However, I wasn't sure if I should write about it. Is this topic something your supposed to talk about? I've never spoken to anyone about this type of thing before. I've only told one person so far that I had the test done (and that was before I had the results). He relayed a story back to me of a time when he got tested. He was a little worried at the time since he had just gotten back from Thailand (I didn't ask him to elaborate). That made me think "well I guess everyone has these types of tests done but no one talks about it". Why is this issue taboo? I remember calling to set up the appointment and being extremely embarrassed. But what is there to be embarrassed about? You wouldn't worry about getting a polio (am I dating myself with this comment?) or a strep throat test. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that people with STD's are considered "dirty". But this doesn't really make any sense. You only have to have sex with one person to get something. No one would consider you "dirty" if you had the flu or diabetes. Wouldn't having crabs be better than having say gang green? I mean it at least shows that your getting some, and you don't have to worry about having an appendage cut off. But I guess these are just societal norms. STD's and mental disorders are embarrassing but other diseases aren't.

One more thought on the subject before I finish. I was notified about my results with a phone call in the middle of the day, and a thought occurred to me. How come whenever you have any sort of test done by a physician they call you with the results. However, if anything comes up out of the ordinary they won't tell you over the phone. If your tested for X and they won't tell you over the phone you don't have X but need to come in... well wouldn't that tip the person off that they have X? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of not telling them? The only thing that I could think of is that maybe they never just test for one thing, so that you could never be sure what the bad news was going to be. Hmmmm.

Fluffy

Have you seen Fluffy? Last time I saw her was outside of Silky Sullivan's Pub on Friday. I thought she was a little drunk and tried to take her keys from her. But man did she throw a hissy fit! I havent' seen her since. She's usually so responsible, but sometimes... well you get the picture (bad puns intended).

Same Difference

Are you one of the people that say this? Do you also say "stop" when you mean "go", or "black" when you mean "white", or "potato" when you mean "tomato"? For those of you lucky enough to not know what I'm talking about let me elaborate. I'm sure most of you have heard someone say "same thing" when someone else is talking about two similar items, events, ideas etc. However, sometime around the 8th grade I started hearing people use "same difference" in the place of "same thing" (yes it bothered me then also). Every time I hear someone make this statement I feel the need to point out how illogical it is, but the speaker never seems to care. If you are talking about two like items how can they have the same difference? Does the word different all of a sudden connote likeness? It makes NO SENSE. I must not have received the memo that stated you can substitute any word for any other and still expect people to understand you. The only possible way that two items could have the same difference is if you were comparing them to a third item. For instance two circles have the same differences in relation to a square, but have the same qualities/similarities in relation to each other. Again, if there was a memo sent out and I missed it I apologize to everyone in advance.

Apartment

So I'm sitting in my new apartment writing this instead of finishing unpacking and putting things away. At first it may seem strange that I have been here for three weeks, and it looks like I just moved in this weekend. But then again I am the guy that spent longer looking for an apartment than most people do looking for a house to buy. By the way if anyone is planning on moving to Orange County (CA, not FL) I have seen every apartment complex there is, and could give you a brief synopsis of my 20 or 30 favorites.

I'm finding out that Apartment living is a little different than living in a house. (I haven't lived in an apartment since I was 20. And yes I admit that was 5 years ago, ok 6, ok it was 7 years ago but who's counting) The biggest frustration so far is that little call box, that is linked to your home phone to let people in the entry gate. When they installed this did anyone stop to consider that some people do not set up a home phone number? Why would I have a home phone when I have a cell phone that has over a thousand unused minutes a month (more on this later)? Plus if they can connect it to your home phone why can't they connect it to a cell phone? Seem like a bit of functional obsolescence to me. So now I sit here wondering. Do I (A) order the pizza for delivery and meet him at the gate (which I would have to drive to) (B) Order the pizza for pick up and drive to the restaurant (is this even really an option), or (C) Drink a Guinness, and skip dinner. I mean it's practically a meal replacement, right?

Ode to Journal

So here is the first (and hopefully not last) blog, on the Blog Dog. I'm usually near the front of these trends. However, I must admit I missed the whole blog frenzy. I just never really got it. To me it seemed like a personal journal that everyone read. Isn't the whole idea of the journal that it's private? But since I've been planning on writing a journal for the past 10 years and today have a total of about 10 pages written.... Well the truth be told, I thought the blog may be able to shame me into writing. If other people are expecting to see new entries, I may feel obligated to acquiesce.